Killud

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After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.' Ronnie Shakes

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In the beginning, there was nothing. And God said, 'Let there be Light.' And there was still nothing. But, you could see it a lot better. Dave Weinstein

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The real hero is always a hero by mistake; he dreams of being an honest coward like everybody else. Umberto Eco

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I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you. Anon

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Thousands of years ago the Egyptians worshiped cats as gods. Cats have never forgotten this. Charles Herbig

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True, money can't buy happiness, but it isn't happiness I want. It's money. Bizarro

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I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and that's the best they're going to feel all day. Dean Martin

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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down. George Burns

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A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. William James

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Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch??! W. C. Fields

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The Bible tells us to love our neighbors and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people. Mark Twain

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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. Rodney Dangerfield

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The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with. Marty Feldman

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Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy - in a jar on my desk. Stephen King

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Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. Sam Levenson

Siit.